3/28/19 - Well the news today rocked my world. I have done my best to be positive but today was a tough one. We received the final pathology report. Mayo did every test under the sun and came up with the worst news for me, Grade 4 Glioblastoma. Even though Grade 3 and 4 are often lumped together as "high grade" it makes me depressed. The realization that if the medicine and science aren’t behind me there isn’t much I can do. It is a hard pill to swallow. I have faith and I will fight but I can only pray that science is on my side as well. I’m scared to miss out. I want to watch my son grow up. I want to watch him thrive in life. Part of why I only wanted 1 child was so that I wouldn’t miss out on anything, with Grayson and now this could take it all away. It makes me sad and angry. It is so hard to not have any control. It just hit me hard today. The good news is that this should respond to treatment. There is a scary potential that it won’t, but at this point I can’t think that way. I can only hope that there are more positives in my favor. I’ve got this! I continue to believe deep in my bones that this is a fight that is mine because I can do it, just one of the tougher days for me today. This journey has already been such a roller coaster emotionally. I hope that I am handling all of this the right way, I've never been so overwhelmed by emotion as I have this past month. I feel like I am still trying to wrap my head around everything.