Oh the Side Effects
When starting radiation the doctors told me I would feel some fatigue, but that week 3 is when I would really start to notice side effects. Boy were they right! I am sure it is also the combination of the Chemo as but I just didn’t feel that great the last few days. It still isn’t awful, but I can just really start to tell it is all taking a toll on my body. My arms got tired just washing my hair this morning, I had to take a rest! It’s crazy, I just feel that limit so much quicker. I am still trying to do daily activity, but I found myself on the couch a little more today. I have been losing a lot of hair in the last couple of days as well. Turns out, that is a little more emotional than I thought it would be. It is true in my personal experience, when you are fighting for your life, vanity goes right out the window. I don’t really care too much about how I look to others, but with missing hair…I will be reminded every time I look in the mirror. Right now when I look in the mirror, you would never know I was sick but the hair loss will just throw it right out in front. I tell you the emotions and thoughts that come with these diagnoses are so overwhelming. I need to change my perception when I look in the mirror and see myself as a warrior and not just someone who is sick, but it is just a little harder to do sometimes. I need to feel it all. Everything I see and do these days is emotional. Just watching Grayson play with his trucks can bring me to tears because I am happy to be here with him, but I am also so scared and sad to miss out on his life. I cry every night. I feel the emotions I need to feel. I remind myself I am my own statistic and wake up ready to fight another day. It’s exhausting, but it is now my life. And radiation is now half way done which is very exciting! 1 step and 1 day at a time.