Life has been moving right along. I had a good couple of months. I was able to get away for a bit. Headed to Vegas for a little work and play. It was some much needed time for my husband and I. We also hung out with friends and just enjoyed life. We also had some great family time at the lake over July 4th.
I had a round of chemo that week as well, but it all went pretty smooth. I have added a second anti-nausea medication during chemo and it helped! On July 19th I had another appointment and scan. It was crazy that it had been 8 weeks already since the last one. Luckily it all went well and the information we received was good! The goal of my treatment is to maintain my current state, and if things happen to improve, well that is even better. Well, I was lucky enough to have things improve. We could see the area of concern on the MRI was actually a bit smaller. Matthew and I walked out of there feeling a little more hope, it was a great weight that was lifted knowing things were still moving in the right direction. I was feeling good and strong thinking, this all isn’t so bad. Just a couple rounds of chemo then a scan. It’s a plan I can follow. Well that right there is my downfall, trying to plan. I’m learning again that there is no smooth process or set plan. I have blood work checked weekly for a reason, because things can change that fast.
Now, last week, the week prior to my next round of chemo, some of my blood counts are low. Specifically my platelets. I learn that there comes a point in the treatment where you “bottom out”. Your body takes a hit with this stuff and your counts tend to drop. My chemo dose over the 4th was the highest dose I’ve had and will be the dose I continue to get but after that first high does is when they usually see patients bottom out. The plan was to take a look at my labs the Monday of Chemo week and hopefully things would be bouncing back up, we would order the chemo and I’d move along with treatment. Unfortunately it wasn’t the case. My platelet numbers had dropped even more and also my white count was down. Now, It was time to treat these items, meaning no chemo for me until my numbers are stable again. At this news I cried. It scares me a lot to delay chemo treatment especially because I know it works for me. I didn’t want the tumor to start growing again. Well, I don’t know how fast it grows actually, all I am ever told is that it is aggressive. In reality I believe there is room for tumor growth in my brain without it really doing anything but this really is the last thing we want to happen. And in my head I get upset because, it wasn’t the plan. I’ve said from the beginning the mental parts of all of this have been harder than anything physical and I’ve experienced that yet again. I think once I can finally grasp the “no plan, plan” for my life moving forward these little setbacks won’t hit me quite so hard. My tears are now dry and I’m moving on. I’ve had my blood taken every day this week and have gone in to also get special injections to help boost my white count. Always thankful I don’t have a fear of needles and :)I’ve got great veins! There is always a silver lining :) My body has responded positively to the rest, time and treatment. My counts have been climbing. I still can’t start chemo for a bit yet until everything is stable for a while, plus the numbers still need to climb a bit more.
This little hiccup did scare me a bit. My body was really struggling for a few days. I was even more fatigued, weak and lightheaded. It makes you realize there really is a limit to what our bodies can tolerate. It’s a scary thought but also one that has made me more aware of how I treat my body. I bought a Fitbit a while ago and joked that since my brain was trying to kill me I should probably at least take care of my body. However I didn’t change much, but I am now. I care more about what I am eating, I’m working harder to stay hydrated. You know all those things you are supposed to do anyway! I also have less guilt when I need to lay down and rest. I don’t want to miss out on time with family or friends, but if I am rested the time we spend together is of greater quality, and that’s what matters. Tomorrow starts another week and begins with a blood draw right away in the morning. Hoping for a good week with numbers continuing to climb!